Going Home - The New & The Familiar

Retreat is about experiencing the new but can also be about going home to renew. We never want to stay in the same place we've always been. There is a movement to our spiritual development. But there is something that can happen when we "go home," back to something familiar that reaches into the distant past that God used to shape us to be who we are today. That is where I found myself today - in the new and the familiar being renewed.

The new was part of something familiar - Shaker Village, a place I've visited multiple times, enjoying the pleasant & peaceful surroundings of this farm. But it was off the well worn path that I found myself in new surroundings, walking one of the trails for about an hour. Through the woods, past a stream, to a waterfall, into the open meadows, along fencelines.

The beauty of God's creation in sharp contrast to the Pacific coastline of two weeks ago is a testimony to His vastness that we can never hope to put into our own little box of personal experience. He's always got something else in store, around the next curve.


Hot and sweaty, I drove back to Wilmore and the Asbury Seminary campus for Chapel and this is where I came home to the familiar. First was Albin Whitworth, one of the finest pianists and organists you will find. He was a consistent presence in the Chapels of the 80's. Then the surprise of going home was Dr. Bob Mulholland was scheduled to speak. Stephanie served as his Administrative Assistant for 2 years and we grew close to he and Lynne during our time at Asbury.

The connection we have with the Mulholland's goes beyond Seminary days to the baptism of our girls many years ago. I was thankful the doors at Gethsemani were closed for this week.


These 4 hours in the morning served to remind me again why I am doing what I am doing with my life. Some called it a waste. Some thought it silly. Some close to me were not supportive. I've really never had any doubts. Today my heart was renewed to that calling.

Like Going Home - Sort of

I'm off to Asbury Seminary for a personal retreat for a couple of days (The Abbey of Gethsemani was full) before heading to Olympic Trials which start on Monday. In between the retreat and Trials I get to officiate at a couple of local meets. I'm really looking forward to the Elks Mini-Meet on Saturday morning. I love little swimmers!!

Coming to Wilmore, KY and the Asbury Seminary campus is like going home. Stephanie and I spent our first three years of marriage here living in a 440 sq ft duplex. We loved every minute of it as we shared life with other couples, all of us married within 2 weeks of each other. They are friends for life and I prayed for them as I drove down Harrodsburg Road and veered onto Route 29 into Wilmore. These are people who would do anything for us and we for them but it's just not been possible with where the Lord and life have taken us all - the Ford's are appropriately in Michigan - the Bullock's in Louisiana (Cornerstone partnered with their church for some hurricane relief) - the Leggett's are in Houston - the Jennings' are serving the Lord in Buffalo - the McNaney's live outside of Charlotte, NC - the Wannall's moved to Florida. We've seen almost all of them on some travels and some of them have traveled through Ohio and stopped to say hi. That's what community does.

Today I spent some time in Fletcher Chapel. It was like going home. This chapel was built while I was a student and I can remember coming in, even before it officially opened, to spend time in prayer, reading scripture and listening to the voice of the Spirit. It reminded me of why I decided to do what I do. I was refreshed - renewed - refocused - re-energized with some of the "why."

Tom Tumblin, Dean of the Besson International Center (and a guest speaker @ Cornerstone in late August) carved some time in his schedule for a chat over ice cream. He is a good friend and mentor and I appreciated his interest in what God is doing in my life.

I wanted to go to see our old digs on Gail Morris Ct. But they don't exist any more. The duplex complex was condemned and destroyed. Kinda makes me feel old that our first place no longer exists. There's no way to go home.

The community we built is still part of our lives but everyone has moved on....and life is good.

Looking forward to tomorrow for some more of "going home." Almost done with Integrity, another great book by Henry Cloud. He defines integrity as "the ability to meet the demands of reality." A lot of blogging to come about this book.


By the way, I buy most of my books using a Used Bookstore search engine: Abe Books. I can get most books, including this one, for $1.00 plus between $2.50 - $3.50 for shipping.

Rules to Avoid Misery

Is there misery in your life? Are there things that you do, say, feel, believe, that seem to almost always get in the way of moving forward in life and relationships?


I've just finished The One-Life Solution and while fascinated, challenged and intrigued by the whole book, it is a chapter titled: "Follow the Misery and Make a Rule" that is really rattling around in my heart and mind. It's a interesting principle - make personal rules so that you don't continue to live in misery.

"What I am talking about are nonuniversal rules that are the policies of how to be you. They are rules that you make just for yourself. These have to do with areas of your life in which you are morally, legally and ethically free to engage, but that you have found are not the best practices for you.....It is in these areas that wise people, althrough free to do otherwise, have self-rules that they have learned to live by." (p. 146)



My father-in-law has a motto he followed before he retired: "The company you work for will take as much time as you're willing to give it." He had some rules about vacations, days off, not working after certain hours. Every rule has an exception when something goes wrong, needs to be fixed, but it definitely should be the exception.


I am making a list. Dr. Cloud writes a whole chapter on email and writing some rules around it so that your purpose runs your life instead of your inbox. I need a rule for email in my life. Blocks of time when I'll pay attention to it but it can't be the thing I do first thing in the morning. Just as each swimmer has a lane, we need boundaries, lines, rules to keep us headed in the right direction.

I have a compass on my desk with a favorite saying leaning on it: The compass is more important than the calendar. It's the direction you're headed that matters more than the speed with which you are getting there.


A helpful thing I started a few months ago that goes with this theme is sending my schedule to my staff along with a list of what I titled "major projects" for the week. Unknowingly it was a way to establish some rules to help me meet the goals for the week. 


I'd like to pay more attention to managing my energy for peak performance. What I mean is what Dr. Cloud talks about with deadlines, planning ahead and even what hours of the day are best for reading, writing, prayer, study and email. I used to have some of these kinds of rules and am thankful to my Seminary professors for helping me see the need to establish them. Life happened, shifting my time commitments and instead of adjusting the rules I jettisoned them.


I'm thinking about rules with gossipers, people who talk about other people to a third party. It's a cancer in the church. (I already have some rules but I think they can be more concise.) I think the rule is simple: "I don't want to hear about it." or "Let's go talk with that person about it right now." Toxic relationships need rules.


Marriages need rules like date night. Dating relationships need rules to help with "hands off."  


Our spiritual lives need rules for worship and personal time in God's Word. These are rules that aren't constricting but more restricting for the purpose of achieving our purpose in life.


Paul says it this way: 
1 Corinthians 10:23 “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive."


Freedom is great but freedom unrestrained actually creates chaos. Rules help. If I know something is not going to be helpful to reaching my goal I need a rule for my life. It's what a recovering addict does - stay out of certain places, away from certain people and in a certain number of meetings each week. These are helpful rules.


To quote Dr. Cloud again: "Wisdom is, among other things, knowing to not do what we already have experienced as not helpful." (p. 159)


How many times have I made the same mistake that caused the same misery!


"Rules are not made to be broken - they are made to keep us from getting broken." (p. 161)


This is a book I'll need to go through again. Whomever is going to type the notes for me will have a lot of notes to type.


Where do you find misery, the repetition of poor results? Where do you need rules in your life?

The Wedding Day

It was a marvelous day of celebration at the wedding of Kathryn & Brian. Now they're first full day as Mr. & Mrs. Hawkins. Here are a few photos of the beautiful bride and some others from the "candid photographer." Thank, Janelle!


Thanks to everyone who made it such a special occasion and a memorable moment in all our lives.

Father's Day 2012

Each day my friend, Bill Keating, sends an email to his children. The list has now grown to hundreds with hundreds more receiving a forward. Each Thought of the Day is filled with encouragement, challenge, inspiration, reminders to be productive members of society. I appreciated today's a great deal.

Thought of the Day - June 16, 2012

At the 1924 Paris Olympic Games, Bill Havens was a member of the United States canoe team. As the Olympics neared, Bill realized that his wife would give birth to their first child about the time that he would be competing in the Olympic games.

 

Bill had a dilemma - should he go to Paris and risk not being at his wife's side when their baby was born….or should he withdraw from the USA team and remain with his family?

 

Bill's wife insisted that he go to Paris. After all, competing in the Olympics was his life-long dream. Bill felt conflicted but, after much soul-searching, decided to withdraw from the Olympics and stay at home to support his wife when their baby was born. Being at his wife's side his highest priority - even higher than going to the Olympics.

 

The USA canoe team won the gold medal in Paris. Bill's wife was so late in giving birth to their first child that Bill could have competed in the Olympics and returned home in time to be with her when she gave birth. People thought, "What a shame." But Bill had no regrets. For the rest of his life, he knew he had made the right decision - family first!

 

Twenty-eight years later, Bill received a cablegram from his son Frank who was competing in the 1952 Olympics in Helsinki, Finland. The cablegram read: "Dad, I won. I'm bringing home the gold medal you lost while waiting for me to be born." 

 

Frank had won the canoeing gold medal his father gave up so he could be there when Frank to be born. Both father and son were Olympic champions of the heart.

 

Have a great Father's Day Weekend.

 

2012 Olympics start in 41 days!

Wedding Mode

We're into full wedding mode around the Raker house. Lots of fun things, memory-making moments and some hard work around the house. Might not see anything for a couple of days.

Performance Oriented Workers (POW's)

Do you know who the control freaks are in your life? Perhaps you find the first one in the mirror. Perhaps you live with one. He or she could be your best friend, co-worker, boss, pastor, parent or sibling. Chances are you've got at least one in your life and if you recognize yourself as one then you're halfway toward becoming a recovering control freak.

I'm a recovering control-freak, a desire to control fueled by perfectionism. Recovery is similiar to a 12-step program. It's a daily choice with accountability to stay out of control. Perfectionism is one of what Henry Cloud calls a "hole in your fence." These are the "unhealthy needs, fears, inabilities and other conditions that tear holes in our boundaries." (p. 58, The One-Life Solution)


Excellence is a high value for me but I often have overstepped boundaries into perfectionism. I won't go into where it all comes from; I know I've got it and have spent years figuring out how to overcome it, sometimes becoming a control freak about not being a control freak!! If you are one then you know what I'm talking about!


Here's what Cloud says about the need to be perfect which represents a hole in the fence of my boundaries:

"It gets you dancing around, 
spending time on things that are

not worth spending time on, just 
because  you cannot stand for them to be less than ideal.


The need to get it right has 

turned into the need to have 
it perfect, and you spend hours and 
fret and stress over things that 
others are able to let go." (p. 59)

One lesson I'm learning through this book is understanding my lack of boundaries. Not moral boundaries but mission, vision, value and goal boundaries. The kind of lines in the sand that keep me on the playing field of my strengths, calling and job description. I have little doubt that I am only scratching the surface of it all.


Excellence honors God. Doing things half-hearted for our Lord is simply not acceptable. There's no shortcut to excellence. Getting there requires practicing deliberately, delaying gratification and forever challenging your current comfort zone. And that's the line between excellence and perfectionism that takes one into the world of the Performance Oriented Worker - a spiritual POW.


Perfectionists and control freaks are often that way because we haven't yet internalized grace. Grace means receiving favor and blessing that is undeserved, unearned and unrepayable. Those are three descriptive words that are difficult for control freaks to live out. When we live by grace we're not in control. When we accept God's grace we are acknowledging we're not perfect.


Do your best. Give 100%. Be disappointed if you fail. Honor God if you succeed. Move on to the next hill. That's living out grace and it's very difficult if you have perfectionistic tendencies (which can be due to any number of relationships and issues in life).


Ephesians 2:8-9 "For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith —and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— ⁹ not by works, so that no one can boast."


Any gaps in your boundary fence?