In Touch with Reality

On Sunday I head to Omaha as an official for the 2012 Swimming Olympic Trials, the fastest swim meet in the world. The top 5 (or more) swimmers in the U.S. could place in the top 16 in the Olympics - but only 2 get to go in each event. It's a fast meet. Everything comes down to these 8 days of swimming.


There's a part of me that would like to deceive myself into saying: "I could do that." It happens when we watch athletes perform, from golf to swimming to volleyball. "I could do that." It happens to pastors when we look at leaders of larger congregations - "I could do that." Basically we're out of touch with reality if we take that too far. At this point in swimming, I know I can't do that - but part of my would like to believe I could. Just yesterday I swam a mile - 66 laps - 1650 yards (I know that's not quite a mile but it's what the swimming world calls a mile) and it felt good. That was the first part of warm-up for Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps. And they took 10% of the time I took to do it!


We watch leaders (at least I do) and think to ourselves, "I could do that." But can we really? Is that reality? In truth it's not. First of all, not everyone can lead the same number of people. Some are gifted to lead 100 - some 200 - some 500 and some 1000 or more. Unfortunately we place a value on leaders based on the number of people in their organization - at least many leaders do. But truth be told, the leader of 500 can't lead 1000, at least not in the same way.

Henry Cloud's book, Integrity, is about the 6 components of an integrated, mature character. One of those components is Being Oriented Toward Truth. Mature people are in touch with reality. He shared the story of a dog food company that had horrible results. After firing 3 or 4 marketing firms and still having the same results someone finally spoke up and said, "The dogs don't like it." Truth. Reality.


"One of my favorite sayings is, no matter how difficult it is to hear, Reality is always your friend. The reason is almost a truism: everything else is a fantasy. So, for us to get real results in the real world, we must be in touch with what is, not what we wish things were or think things should be or are led by others to believe they are. They only thing that is going to be real in the end is what is." (italics his, p. 106)




Here's what Cloud writes about people who are in touch with reality: (Chaper 8)

1. They seek out the truth about what is real. They keep updating information through active pursuit instead of waiting for it to knock on the door.
2. They have an observing ego. Mature people monitor themselves, they self-evaluate. They see themselves in truth, in reality.
3. They have neutralized truth. Mature leaders are able to look at the facts, the hard truths, and not be overwhelmed either by them or not make them overwhelming in the delivery of them to others. They can focus on the issues and problems apart from people.
4. They maintain a balance between judgment and emotions. Emotion doesn't cancel out thinking and thinking doesn't cancel out emotion. A mature character "has access to all of his thinking faculties, and the emotional state that he is in does not 'override.'" (p. 128)
5. They aren't split personalities, Jekyll & Hyde. Cloud describes this as what I would call black and white thinking. With a failure or a mistake it's all bad and in fact, I'm all bad. A mature character sees the whole picture not just the action, whether about themselves or another person.
6. They have the ability to assimilate and accomodate. Mature characters can bring in new information and make room for it. They are coachable, teachable, flexible and realize they don't yet know it all. When Kathryn married Brian we made room for him in our family and will continue to. We will assimilate and accomodate just as they will with us and Brian's family.

   This last one is huge for me. It's Q-TiP (Quit Taking it Personally). Changing strategies isn't personal, it's business. Adapting to the changing culture isn't personal, it's business. Churches and other organizations that are more married to methods and personal preferences than they are to adapting to the culture are not going to mature. They will stagnate and die. Church business isn't about personal preferences. It's about Kingdom results. Period.

   I'm not suggesting giving up core values and vision. I am suggesting that when it comes to assimilation and accomodation, churches are notorious for being behind the times and one of the most resistant organizations to change. Many are out of touch with reality.

   I have shifted leadership from the size church Cornerstone was in 2003 to today. But I am realizing that what needs to shift for the future vision to be realized is 10 times (or more) what has already been done. I've barely scratched the surface and am in danger of being out of touch with reality. I can't take it personally when I look at the changes that need to be made in me. It's not about me. It's about Jesus!

Where do you need to grow? In this list of 6 characteristics of people who are in touch with reality, where were you tripped up? Where are you stuck thinking about personal preferences while God is calling you to Kingdom principles?