This is my homework during the Sabbatical, to really understand the depth of Q-TIP. It trips me up more than anything else. I will own what is not mine to own. I will try to solve problems that belong to others. I will say too much. I will take it personally if an idea is not accepted by the rest of the team - personally as in it's a referendum about me instead of just a NO about the idea. Q-TIP is also about me saying NO to some things. (It's more than that, but for now....)...
Saying "No" doesn't mean I don't care. It means...
- I can't, perhaps for right now, perhaps forever
- this is your problem and I won't pick it up
- I'll listen and sympathize but I won't fix what you need to fix
- if my boss says, "Redo it," it's not a sign of failure as a person
I've started reading Henry Cloud's book, The One-Life Solution. He's writing about living an integrated life instead of separate lives between work and personal. One-Life is also about living true to yourself - your values, mission and goals - not letting others drag you away or not jumping away all by yourself because you take ownership of that which is not yours to own. One-Life is about taking ownership of the only thing you can control - you.
Part of living this one life is being able to be ok with disagreement.
"Do you feel that having a different opinion is somehow a negative thing, no matter what side of the equation you are on? When you disagree with someone, do you feel like you have done something bad or hurt their feelings in some way, just by disagreeing with them? Or, when someone disagrees with you, do you take it as meaning something other than just a different opinion, such as an indicator that you are wrong or inferior or stupid, or some other personal meaning other than simply different?" (p 61)
This is Q-TIP.
Much more to come on this topic.
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