To say or not to say

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, 

but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, 

that it may benefit those who listen. - Ephesians 4:29

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep

a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, 

and their religion is worthless. - James 1:26

Words can build up or destroy a relationship and a life. A well placed yes or no can make all the difference in the world. A wayward thought spoken out loud can cripple an image and crack a person's character. Scripture is filled with encouragement and warning about the use of our tongues. In Ephesians, words can become one of the tools God uses to grow us up in faith. But if we don't train our tongues, James warns us that it can render our faith useless.

The tongue has the power of life and death, 

and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 18:21

Words and how we use them can literally make all the difference in the world. We can build up or tear apart. It's our words that are the expression of what is hidden in our hearts. Jesus said that our words find their conception in the depths of our hearts (Luke 6:45). That's why Proverbs says:

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is 

even-tempered. 

Proverbs 17:27

I use words for a living. Basically I talk a lot. Words are even the public piece of my hobby, swim officiating. It's only three little words: "Take Your Mark" but they are important words. I've known my heart to be upset or distracted by something and the words are affected.

A big lesson that came from The Next Level was about words and how my role changes how my words are heard. I process stuff out loud. In other words, I like to "think out loud." But in my role as Sr. Pastor I have to be much more careful with my words and my verbal thoughts. To get to "the next level" words have to become far more important:

what you say tends to be quoted and stated and used very actively in the organization (quoting Martin Carter of Hydro Aluminum North America, p. 65)

Out loud thoughts are taken more literally from the senior level office. My coach, Brenda, says to me: "You've got to learn how much you bring to a conversation or into a room."


In Eblin's 1st Chapter, he related some stories, compilations of situations and circumstances he had encountered in his business and coaching careers. One paragraph hit me between the eyes:

To her chagrin and puzzlement, she has found that her newer direct reports will often take the ideas tha she comes up with when she is "just thinking out loud" and implement them without her even realizing that she had given them the idea. Soem of the results of this phenomenon have been less than optimal and have required her time to step in and correct the problems that were created. (p. 5)

I can't tell you the number of times I've experienced that scenario. Words. They can build up or tear down. Words can paint a picture of vision or throw mud on the canvas.  

How are you using your words? For me, I am becoming more aware of what my role does to my words. I also know that it's just not helpful to say everything I wonder about in my mind. My mind is a vast and desolate place at times and that's perhaps how my tongue should be more often.

Are your words building up or tearing down? If your tongue creating life or destroying it?