How Is God Blessing You?

This morning as I hiked up a trail, looking around at God's handiwork and enjoying the solitude, my nostrils were assaulted by the smell of smoke. Not new smoke. It was the smell you get when you go out to a fire pit the next day and stir the coals a little to make sure it's really out. It's the smell you get just from grilling. This was a smell from a couple of weeks ago - the Waldo Canyon fire. I didn't realize just how close it was. I stood on the ridge overlooking a canyon on my left with hills on my right scarred from burning.

God is in the business of blessing us but not in the simple way of saying: "I feel so blessed" when something good has happened to us. God's definition of blessing goes far deeper, to the outcome, the desired result of His work in our lives. Sometimes that means using the bad stuff, like the houses over the ridge that were not spared by the fire.

I brought another Henry Cloud book with me, 9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love & Life. It's his observations about what successful people do that others don't. His 4th principle for success is "Do Something."

To psychologists, philosophers, and theologians, who is at fault, is not the big issue. That is a legal question. What is an issue is being responsible in terms of ownership. To own my life means that it is mind and no other person's. I can blame no one for what I do with it. I can blame them for what they do to me, but I cannot blame them for what I do with what they do to me. I am responsible for how I respond. (p. 102-103)

Blessings come in many forms, we just prefer them in the nice, kind, helpful, good feeling form. The difference for a Christ-follower is keeping our eye on the end goal God has for our lives. I've said it a hundred times and caught myself having difficulty living it out 101 times: "God is not interested in our comfort but rather in building our character to be like Christ."

As I stared at the burned hillside I wondered how I would be if I were on the other side. Could I be ok with my house being "on the other side?" Would I be? To use Cloud's phrase, could I do something with what has been handed to me?

It's the marriage vows, isn't it? "For better or worse - in sickness and in health." That's not multiple choice. God can use marriage to shape and mold our hearts to be like His. If we can learn to love our mate then we will be closer to having His heart for the world. Because sometimes, we humans are hard to love. It's in the furnace of marriage that we can be purified if we'll deal with the hand we've been dealt 25, 30, 40 years down the road.

Blessings come in all shapes and sizes but we must see through God's eyes to catch them all.

I was reminded of Laura Story's song, Blessings, as I stood on the ridge:

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

What will you do with God's blessings today? Do you see them? What if every opportunity, big or small, we had His eyes to say: "This can make me more like Jesus today?" That's God's goal for us. Is it your goal for you?

Making Marriage Grow

Once upon a time....so begins a fairy tale, the dream of most new couples, it tugs on every heart: "Could my life be like that?" Then a few weeks into marriage and the answer comes loudly, "No!" It's not disastrous. It's just life.

The Castle @ Glen Eyrie

"She doesn't turn off lights when she leaves a room."

"She steals the covers."

"He snores."

"He squeezes the tube in the middle."

It's definitely the small things that get under our skin in a relationship and if not dealt with early, they will irritate and grow and have the potential to bring great pain.


By dealing with these small things I'm not suggesting anything drastic. It's a matter of choice -  what can you live with and what do you really need to change? Forgiveness and communication are two keys to marriage. Walk in forgiveness in all things, big and small, daily, even moment by moment. Don't let anything take hold of you, especially comparing the one you love to the fairy tales you were told.

Stephanie and I have made one thing a consistent part of making marriage grow - invest and spend time on the marriage. Yes, leave the kids. Yes, go away. Yes, spend money. Yes, take the time. Just as every individual needs that rhythm of sabbath so too does every marriage. I told my daughter and son-in-law - "Don't wait too long to ask for help, advice, coaching in your relationship." Every marriage needs it. I didn't suggest it come from us, just that we will always be there for them any time, anywhere.

Over our 26 years of marriage we've made sure we get away for a date night, to a Conference, on a vacation for just the two of us. I've said for years that the best gift parents can give to their kids is a healthy marriage. Part of that means showing them that the marriage is a priority. It was not a fairy tale moving through the parenting of teens years! It was tough and during that season we didn't get away as much as we would have liked.

We've arrived at the Glen Eyrie Conference Center in Colorado Springs. The vast majority of the property was spared from the recent Waldo Canyon Fire (not to be confused with Stephanie's "Where's Waldo" posts on FaceBook during the Olympic Trials).

The view from our suite!

Glen Eyrie is the headquarters for the ministry of The Navigators and in just the first few hours, a truly beautiful place for growing a marriage. We're here on a Marriage Get-A-Way, for some teaching and discussion, with lots of time for just the two of us.

Over the years we've done a variety of things to grow our relationship:

• Family Life Marriage Conferences
• Anniversary trips - we decided to try to do something big every 5 years
• A weekend retreat offered while we were in Seminary
• A video conference weekend - when we were young and poor we rented some marriage videos to watch and discuss
• Marriage retreat weekends that we've led

The point is, without time away a marriage can't grow any more than a life cannot thrive without a sabbath rhythm (see A Rhythm of Sabbath). We have found that life will help a couple avoid the things they need to discuss, work through, learn about and grow from. A conference or retreat, where someone else is posing the questions, is vital for growing a healthy marriage. 


I read a disturbing article the other day that the Baby Boomer generation's divorce rate is sky-rocketing. The pressures of the economy, the strain of life, have created seemingly unbearable circumstances. There is another way. Spending the time and money to grow a marriage is much cheaper and far more rewarding than a divorce.


Are you single - what is your rhythm of sabbath for your relationship with Jesus?


Are you marriage - what is your sabbath rhythm with your spouse? How will you grow your marriage in the next 6 months? Are you young and poor - there is a way. It doesn't take gobs of money, just a little creativity.

With my nephew, David, in the Olympic Rings

Before heading to Glen Eyrie we stopped by the Olympic Training Center (OTC) to see my sister and introduce Stephanie to a bunch of people that I see around pool decks. If you would, hold Peter (works at USA Swimming) and his family in prayer as they deal with losing their home in the Waldo fire. Others at USA Swimming had parents, friends and neighbors who lost homes. It's a somber and difficult time for many.

The Main Avenue @ the OTC