Making Marriage Grow

Once upon a time....so begins a fairy tale, the dream of most new couples, it tugs on every heart: "Could my life be like that?" Then a few weeks into marriage and the answer comes loudly, "No!" It's not disastrous. It's just life.

The Castle @ Glen Eyrie

"She doesn't turn off lights when she leaves a room."

"She steals the covers."

"He snores."

"He squeezes the tube in the middle."

It's definitely the small things that get under our skin in a relationship and if not dealt with early, they will irritate and grow and have the potential to bring great pain.


By dealing with these small things I'm not suggesting anything drastic. It's a matter of choice -  what can you live with and what do you really need to change? Forgiveness and communication are two keys to marriage. Walk in forgiveness in all things, big and small, daily, even moment by moment. Don't let anything take hold of you, especially comparing the one you love to the fairy tales you were told.

Stephanie and I have made one thing a consistent part of making marriage grow - invest and spend time on the marriage. Yes, leave the kids. Yes, go away. Yes, spend money. Yes, take the time. Just as every individual needs that rhythm of sabbath so too does every marriage. I told my daughter and son-in-law - "Don't wait too long to ask for help, advice, coaching in your relationship." Every marriage needs it. I didn't suggest it come from us, just that we will always be there for them any time, anywhere.

Over our 26 years of marriage we've made sure we get away for a date night, to a Conference, on a vacation for just the two of us. I've said for years that the best gift parents can give to their kids is a healthy marriage. Part of that means showing them that the marriage is a priority. It was not a fairy tale moving through the parenting of teens years! It was tough and during that season we didn't get away as much as we would have liked.

We've arrived at the Glen Eyrie Conference Center in Colorado Springs. The vast majority of the property was spared from the recent Waldo Canyon Fire (not to be confused with Stephanie's "Where's Waldo" posts on FaceBook during the Olympic Trials).

The view from our suite!

Glen Eyrie is the headquarters for the ministry of The Navigators and in just the first few hours, a truly beautiful place for growing a marriage. We're here on a Marriage Get-A-Way, for some teaching and discussion, with lots of time for just the two of us.

Over the years we've done a variety of things to grow our relationship:

• Family Life Marriage Conferences
• Anniversary trips - we decided to try to do something big every 5 years
• A weekend retreat offered while we were in Seminary
• A video conference weekend - when we were young and poor we rented some marriage videos to watch and discuss
• Marriage retreat weekends that we've led

The point is, without time away a marriage can't grow any more than a life cannot thrive without a sabbath rhythm (see A Rhythm of Sabbath). We have found that life will help a couple avoid the things they need to discuss, work through, learn about and grow from. A conference or retreat, where someone else is posing the questions, is vital for growing a healthy marriage. 


I read a disturbing article the other day that the Baby Boomer generation's divorce rate is sky-rocketing. The pressures of the economy, the strain of life, have created seemingly unbearable circumstances. There is another way. Spending the time and money to grow a marriage is much cheaper and far more rewarding than a divorce.


Are you single - what is your rhythm of sabbath for your relationship with Jesus?


Are you marriage - what is your sabbath rhythm with your spouse? How will you grow your marriage in the next 6 months? Are you young and poor - there is a way. It doesn't take gobs of money, just a little creativity.

With my nephew, David, in the Olympic Rings

Before heading to Glen Eyrie we stopped by the Olympic Training Center (OTC) to see my sister and introduce Stephanie to a bunch of people that I see around pool decks. If you would, hold Peter (works at USA Swimming) and his family in prayer as they deal with losing their home in the Waldo fire. Others at USA Swimming had parents, friends and neighbors who lost homes. It's a somber and difficult time for many.

The Main Avenue @ the OTC